Yeah it's better than your last
But it still feels like a little something is missing. It's great that you at least mixed it up a little bit. And it's a lot better than just one note over and over again. I really don't know what it is. Perhaps it's the tensity.
In a way, anyway. You demonstrated great tensity buildup from around 1:58 to 2:46 but hen 2:47 hit I felt that all that buildup and suspension was wasted. It just wasn't too tense after that. You should've added much more to the drums at that point like a few cymbals and claps or something.
But granted, it was way better than the first one. You're getting there dude. Keep at it